Of Forgiveness and Reconciliation
published by The Hospice Link on September 1, 2024
The Assisi Hospice care team stepped in to fulfil Mr Tan’s wish of reconciliation with his loved ones
Li Shan* had been lingering outside a room in Assisi Hospice’s (AH) inpatient ward. Numerous times, she would walk right up to the door but stop in hesitation. Many thoughts flashed through her mind: Should she go in? Would he even recognise her? They had not met for over 20 years.
The nurse noticed Li Shan outside the room of Mr Tan* and alerted his social worker, Calista. When Calista approached her, she discovered that she was Mr Tan’s ex-wife, whom the care team had been trying to get in touch with.
Sixty-seven-year-old Mr Tan had been diagnosed with a rare tumour behind his abdominal area (retroperitoneal liposarcoma) and was admitted to AH in June 2023. Divorced for over 20 years, Mr Tan was working as a cleaner and staying in a one-room rental flat. When he came under the care of AH, he expressed his wish to reconnect with his ex-wife, Li Shan, and his only son. Over the years, he had been going to the church where the family used to worship together on several occasions and saw her from afar, but did not have the courage to approach her.
AH’s clinical pastoral care staff approached the church pastor, who knew the family well. The pastor then informed Li Shan about Mr Tan’s condition and that he had been admitted into hospice care.
As Li Shan shared with Calista about the circumstances she faced leading up to the divorce, she broke down and cried. Mr Tan had struggled with gambling and substance abuse, which eventually led to her leaving the marriage in the interest of their child.
“I came because I want to tell him that I forgive him, “Li Shan shared with Calista. “But I don’t know why I cannot bring myself to go into the room.”
Calista listened patiently and offered Li Shan the emotional support she needed. In her company, Li Shan mustered up her courage and went into the room. Though she was wearing a mask, Mr Tan recognised her immediately. He stretched out his hand, and she rushed to hold it. They started to sob and could not utter a word. After a long while, he finally mustered up enough strength for the two words, in between sobs, “I’m sorry.” Still in tears, she replied softly, “I forgive you. You can go in peace.”
After that day, Li Shan continued to visit. Mr Tan deteriorated rapidly and passed on peacefully in July 2023. Volunteers from the No One Dies Alone programme at AH supported the family by keeping vigil at Mr Tan’s side during his final moments. In addition to the substantial subsidies supported by donations, AH’s social worker also helped to apply for Medifund to pay for his medical bill and arranged a pro bono funeral for him.
Patients may have come to AH for medical care but sometimes, there are other wounds and needs. The care team strives to meet patients’ needs at the most vulnerable time in their lives.
*Names have been changed.
Click Here for the original article.